To lay some ground work first, I will begin with what it isn’t. Nabeel Quereshi said he was told by God, after he had been mourning from losing the closeness of his loving family and his close friend, “This life is not about You”. That struck home to me.
I am ashamed to admit it, but most of my life I believed Christians were promised to be healthy, financially comfortable, happy, and that we would have no major troubles that God would not fix. I thought as a believer, Christians were in this world yes, but we were immuned to long-term sickness, disasters, and unresolved problems. My idea of God was certainly flawed in some major areas of my life and they begin to surface more and more as I grew older.
Reality began to set in. What I saw instead was quite contrary to some beliefs that I had been taught. I was in fact a follower of Christ but things were not turning out as I thought they should. I wasn’t healed, I didn’t have the things in life that I thought I was promised. I was then faced with a crisis of belief.
God do you really love me? Why don’t I have a more comfortable life now, after having served You all those years? Why are You silent? Then I asked myself, “Is God a good God even if He didn’t see fit to “fix” my problems? Why do I serve Him? Will I continue to serve and trust Him if He doesn’t do what I ask?”
As it turns out, through much inner searching, prayer, and with the help of my hubby’s scriptural insights, I seen that a big part of my struggles were rooted in much of the way that I viewed God and that some of my expectations of Him were not lining up with what the scripture teaches about who He is and what He says and does. God turned this situation around and I became a stronger believer at the end of this ordeal. Unfortunately, some folks don’t seek out godly counselors and teachers who can help them when they have unanswered question. Instead, they turn from the One who loves them the most and Whom holds all truth.
Yes, I know God is the giver of all that is good and I believe He does bless His children and gives them perks along the journey, but the abundant life is not necessarily, (as some teach), lots of possessions, money, absence of want. I believe, instead, the abundant life is one in which we have experienced God and have come to know and trust Him in all things because we are confident that He loves us so much. He sees the big picture. If He withholds something, it is for a good reason.
I have come to believe too, that some things we can not attain to because of our unbelief. At those times, His grace is still sufficient. At others’, when He thinks necessary, He sends us help so we can believe for what we have need of. How cool is that! He is good all the time!
So back to the question, what do I feel is my purpose now? It definitely is not in acquiring the “American Dream”. It is not about living a comfy happy life. It is about seeking ways to honor my God in my every day life.
I want to spend my last days, weeks, months, or years, reaching the lost, helping those who are hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually through means of music, singing, and sharing God’s truths in tangible ways. If I see a need, I want to be able to fill that need with God’s help and guidance.
All of the above, I wish to do for others but I believe God asks me as a wife, to first take care of the needs at home. Charity should begin there. If my home life is good that brings God honor also. This is commendable not demeaning work. A virtuous woman is to be praised as it says in Proverbs 31. In our society, many overlook the value of a good home-maker.
If a wife is physically fit and of a sound mind, we are instructed to be good keepers of our home and of our children. God has called us to this wonderful task. (I am not being ironic. I wish I would have looked at it in this light, years ago).
We are also told from the scriptures, to be a help to our spouse and assist him in his work. This task is not always easy but neither is it negotiable in God’s eyes. We are to respect our husband and he is told to love his wife.
Unfortunately, some Christian women are forsaking their duties at home and neglecting their children and husbands, thinking God is pleased with them if they are doing His work elsewhere. Scripture does not teach this is acceptable with God.
Since my kids have grown and moved out of the house, I now should have more time to help with my husbands needs, whether they be physical or spiritual. Ouch! I must admit, I have been more concerned with “my” own agenda and pursuits than his. May God help to change me in this area.
I hope you can now see me more clearly as to what I feel my purpose is now: I am to strive for excellence in order to honor God in my family life and in the ministry of music.
I believe we as a Praise Team have a lot of potential and if I, personally, will devote more time to practicing music, (not to have more bragging rights), I think we could have a larger audience which in turn has the potential to touch more hearts.
Playing music outside of my “comfort zone” is difficult for me on two other levels. I get very anxious, so I definitely need God’s peace and provision if I am to do more of it. And as you probably realize, if we are working on one project, than other things are put on hold or ignored completely. This too causes me stress because loose ends mess with my psyche. And what about all the packing and loading of the equipment necessary to sound our best? This is work! I know this will be worth it all if this is God’s leading at this time in our lives. I am willing.
In closing, I have already expressed an interest in writing some articles for the website but again, that sounds like more toil. Because I am so meticulous, it takes me much longer to finish a project than other folks so I don’t even want to attempt it without knowing this is for certain what God wants.
There you have it. My purpose now is to do the will of my Father, be it through work or pleasure, music, singing, writing, or in personal sharing. To God Be The Glory!