Recently MJ felt moved to share a bit of her story. She was nervous and that is understandable because she was sharing some things she has hidden from most people. My honey knows though, that God can use her pain to help others to mend. Because of things that happened to her it took awhile for her to truly trust me and to see herself as a person of worth. She wants to share her journey of healing with others. And though she still struggles at times she more often than not has learned to recognize the lies she hears whispered to her heart. She sees herself more and more everyday as worthy to be loved. She knows she doesn’t have to be that frightened little girl any more because Jesus is her healer.
From the desk of her husband Lamon–I love you green-eyes.
On this page you will find a video we recorded or if you prefer a written testimony.
I was born into a single parent home. My mom raised five kids mostly on her own the best that she was able. I lived with my three brothers mostly in the projects. My sister was twelve years older than me so I don’t recall a time ever living with her, for she had gotten married by the time I was about five years of age.
Mom, as far back as I can recall, was a Christian and she would take my youngest brother and I to church regularly. She lived by her convictions and she was faithful to her Lord. I am so thankful for that heritage that she gave me.
I do not ever remember a time that I did not believe in God and His Son, Jesus Christ, though I believe I had accepted Him as my Savior in the early years of childhood. I use to pray, read the Bible, and seek the baptism of the Holy Ghost. I enjoyed singing and being at church and being a part of the Christian community.
Then I became interested in boys and at the age of fourteen, I had my first boyfriend; who later became my husband. The Lord knew ahead of time that I would need someone like him that would have a lot of patience and love for me. He sent me a good Christian young man that would not take advantage of me. His name is Lamon Napper Jr.
The first couple of years or so, our relationship with God was important, but then, our strong desires and lusts begin to overtake us. Neither of us were taught how to deal with such emotions and temptations and we eventually surrendered to them. We begin to drift from God and only pursue our passion for each other. At some point, instead of being hypocrites, we chose to quit church altogether. We thought having each other was enough. How wrong we were! We did not return unto our Lord until about four years later. Oh how I regret losing those years.
During that time, we married at the age of eighteen and about a year later, our Daughter Dana Christine, was born. We loved her but we didn’t know how to be good parents though we tried. When she was one year old, we were stressed financially, we argued and had other power struggles that many young couples have. Quite frankly, we were unhappy and unsatisfied with our lives. We needed a change. We had that hole in our heart that could only be filled with God’s presence.
During that time, a good friend of ours, who helped us get together in the first place, invited us to a revival at the church where we use to attend for years. We decided to go.
At the altar time, God was dealing with both of us and I believe Lamon looked at me and said “I have to do this”. I knew I did too. We knew God was what was missing out of our lives. So we went forward to pray and repent and return to the God that we had walked away from.
I do not recall much of the details of that night in April of 1975, but of this I am certain, I knew I was forgiven and welcomed back into my Father’s loving arms. I knew my life would be changed from then on and it has. If it wasn’t for us following God’s ways, we would not be together today. We would never have survived the really tough times of life.
We begin to attend church regularly again and pray, read our Bibles, listen to other Christian ministers and media. We had a heart and hunger for God and His word. God gave us a desire to serve others and the pastor encouraged us to use our gifts in ministry.
God blessed us with a son, in 1979. He had given my husband foreknowledge that we were gonna have a son. Though someone prophesied that our child was gonna be a girl, Joshua Bryan was born as God already said. At the age of twenty-four, we had one beautiful daughter and one handsome son, a personal relationship with the God of the universe, a loving church family, good friends and family, what else could we have asked for!
God certainly began to change us little by little as we were being obedient to Him. We are not perfect, nor claim to be, but by His grace, mercy, and power, we are not who we use to be.
I still struggle with some insecurities and fears that originated, I believe, mostly from a personal terrifying experience when I was either six or seven years of age. I still cry when I am reminded of that dreadful night that has caused me so much hurt and anxiety even as an adult.
It was during a time of mom’s ministry in New York. She ended up leading a man that was on his death bed to Christ. Unfortunately, she had left my brothers and I in the care of those who she thought were Christian people. It turned out that the husband proved to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing!
When everyone was in bed, he came into the living room where I slept on the couch. He sexually assaulted me that night and I was frozen with terror and didn’t move until the next morning. I became a frightened little girl who hardly trusted anyone and who had very little self-worth. I felt like used goods, and not as good as everyone else. I had very little confidence and also adding to the fuel, was the fact we were poor and lived in low-income housing and I wore mostly hand-me-downs. All of these factors led me to believe in the lies that convinced me I was of little value. In retrospect, I realize that much of my conflict in our marriage had stemmed from that one act of violence.
I will never understand why this happened to me, but I have learned to put it in God’s hands, for only He can carry that for me. I have forgiven that man but he has stained my life as long as I am on this earth, but there will be a day when, as God promises, all are tears will be wiped away. I believe that awful memory will be wiped from my mind for eternity praise God!
God has sent me new messages about myself since then. Such as, I am a daughter of the King, I have great value and worth, I have a special purpose in this world, and I will fulfill it. He is teaching me that I am no longer that “frightened, backwards, little girl”. God is my heavenly Father and He has all that I need. He is more than enough!
Jesus is giving me peace with my past, present, and my future. He is my reason for living, loving, and dying. He was and still is my comfort as I suffered great loss when my mom died a few years ago, and when both of my kids and their spouses moved far away and taking with them my precious two granddaughters.
Somehow God fills that present void. Otherwise, I would be trapped in a world of misery, which would in turn, cause my husband much anguish and grief because of his love for me.
Though the future is unknown, God promises to take care of His children and He will keep us until the day that we stand before Him and hopefully say, “Well done my good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of the Lord.”
He isn’t finished with me yet, I still fall at times, but He patiently squeezes and reshapes me into what I should become. I am confident that as I hold on to His nail-scarred hand and don’t let go, I too will live someday forever in His presence. That is my final destination! But I do not want to appear before Him empty handed. I want to bring others with me. That’s my reason for sharing my heart now. I want to be His ambassador and speak to those who are lost and in need of a Savior, and I want to help those who are discouraged and need someone to help lighten their load. I want to be that voice that will speak up for the little ones.
I highly recommend Jesus. As His follower, God makes available His joy, peace, love, hope, and so much more. His benefits outlasts this lifetime. He always delivers what He promises. He is always faithful and true. He has done great things for me. I owe Him my life.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is found in Jeremiah 29:11. It reads: “For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” He has given me a hope and a future and I believe He is gonna prosper us also. I thank the Lord for giving me over thirty-seven years of His constant love, correction, and provision. He has made the difference in our marriage, that has lasted almost thirty-nine years, and in all areas of our lives. I gladly proclaim with the other millions, or perhaps billions throughout history, “Jesus Is Lord”! He is the lover of my soul, my best friend in whom I can depend. To Him be all the glory, honor, and praise!
Marcia Jean Napper