A Letter To A Facebook Friend

5-125x125It’s amazing how many friends some folk have. And every now and then I’m surprised at who asks me to be their friend. I don’t really know who some of these folks are but I tend to accept all requests. I began Facebooking when it dawned on me that Facebook is kinda the equivalent of the city gates in olden times. It’s where folks go to share and hear the news. I thought what a great place to share the ideas and the principals of the gospel. When you find something good you want everyone to know, right?

It’s amazing what you can find out about people. What makes them laugh, their struggles, what qualifies as a good day and so on. And it makes you glad when they get the new car they like, when they have pleasant surprises, when they find a reason to hope, when the doctor says the babies are doing great and things like that. Sometimes though, you find out how different they are from you. What they’re thinking and believe can surprise you.

Recently, I came across a post where I found out someone had the opposite belief that I had. It was on the topic of gay marriage. It was someone I really didn’t know– but they asked me to be a friend so I thought sure why not. I was reluctant to say anything because we didn’t really know each other–not because I am shy or anything. I finally did decide to write a response though. I guess what clenched it for me was their declaration of how sad it was that what was keeping gays unmarried (and thus unhappy) was ignorant people or people with hate. Hmmm. I thought, I don’t consider myself ignorant ( at least not totally. I do read quite a bit on this subject) and I know for sure I’m not motivated by hate. So with all the gentleness I could muster, hoping to start a dialogue and not a fight, I sent a message. This was my response. I guess my post will tell you a bit about me won’t it?

Hi Name Withheld

( I expressed being glad about some good news in their life. I’m not including that to value their privacy.)

When you befriended me you probably never expected to hear from me. I see you’re upset about the gay marriage issue. I think compassion is a great thing, but the way we feel isn’t the only thing to take in to account when deciding on an issue. So having said that, is it OK if I disagree with you? I am opposed to gay marriage and I hope that I am not as ignorant as some might think and I can assure you –I don’t hate anybody. While I suspect some folks are wired this way, I don’t count myself among them.

While I can’t address every issue in this e-mail—I can highlight a few things. Studies (and they are well documented) show that a gay lifestyle is harmful to many of those living it. And I’d like to point out that not everyone who has lived gay continues to live gay. ( see http://exodusinternational.org/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNYaAKBpsuQ )

The questions surrounding what a society accepts and promotes as norms eventually effect the most vulnerable among us—our children.

Here are a few facts. Keep in mind that this list doesn’t come close to covering all the issues. Many of these facts come from http://www.frc.org/content/comparing-the-lifestyles-of-homosexual-couples-to-married-couples Note the extensive documentation in the footnotes. Also note some studies include pro gay cultures such as Sweden and the Netherlands.

  • Gay relationships generally don’t last as long as married couples— The 2003-2004 Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census found that 71% of gay relationships lasted 7 years or less (31% lasted 3 years or less). In contrast first marriages among men and women last much longer — 66% last 10 years or longer— and 50% lasting 20 years and longer. This is important because stability is a major factor in the well-being of children
  • Faithfulness is the norm among married couples —not so much among homosexuals. A survey done in 1997 found that 77% of married men and 85% of married women were faithful to their marriage vows. Among gay men sexual fidelity was 4.5%
  • Bell and Weinberg, in their classic study of male and female homosexuality, found that 43 percent of white male homosexuals had sex with 500 or more partners, with 28 percent having one thousand or more sex partners
  • A study of lesbian couples reported in the Handbook of Family Development and Intervention “indicates that 54 percent had experienced 10 or more abusive incidents, 74 percent had experienced six or more incidents, 60 percent reported a pattern to the abuse, and 71 percent said it grew worse over time
  • In England— More than a third of gay, lesbian and bisexual people took at least one illegal drug in the last month, according to the largest study of its kind. Whether drug use is a psychological crutch, a way of integrating into the “scene” or perhaps both, that figure compares to 5% of the wider population who admitted using a drug in the last month in the Crime Survey for England and Wales.
  • Study Indicates Gays and Lesbians Prone To Psychological Symptoms and Substance Abuse. And the study noted school harassment rates not higher for gay males. (Published in the British Journal of Psychiatry)

A lot more could be said— but if a lifestyle has all of these symptoms and people can choose to live differently (also well documented)— then why would we promote it as normal? I don’t hate these people—I want them to be well and whole. I also would like to add these studies only help confirm what the Bible has to say about homosexuality—that it’s a sin. God calls a sin that which harms us or others– when He says don’t do something it’s because of the detrimental effects it has on everyone involved.

If you have any further questions or wish to start a dialogue about our differences just write.

I think I’ll conclude with a quote from Allen Chambers (who left the gay lifestyle) president of Exodus International a ministry dedicated to helping people leave the gay lifestyle.

“As I have said for more than a decade now, the opposite of homosexuality isn’t heterosexuality (or vice-versa) it’s holiness,” he wrote in a blog. “The only label I want to wear when it comes to sexuality is Holy.

  P.S.  I have since received a reply from them and they were friendly and kind–who says disagreements have to start a fight.


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